WHAT WOULD POSSES YOU TO LEAVE GOOGLE FOR BING
"Did you mean: Congratulations TRAITOR!" that’s fucking priceless.
fuck you ellen, trying to play me like that, i trusted you, watch your back, this ain’t over
How the world sees America.
i wonder if china has fancy plates called america
i need to be like 12x hotter than i am now
One of the first things they ask you in the ER is to rate your pain on a scale from 1 to 10. I’ve been asked this question hundreds of times and I remember once, when I couldn’t catch my breath and I felt like my chest was on fire, the nurse asked me to rate the pain. Though I couldn’t speak, I held up 9 fingers. Later, when I started feeling better, the nurse came in and she called me a fighter. “You know how I know?” she said, “You called a 10 a 9.” But that wasn’t the truth.
I didn’t call it a 9 because I was brave. The reason I called it a 9 was because I was saving my 10…and this was it.
THIS FUCKED ME UP
most private thing im willing to admit: im not good at estimating how much pasta is enough for one person
there’s a tool for that
I’m sorry, does that scale progress from a child to a HORSE?
one time I had this dream that I logged on to amazon and my account had like negative four trillion dollars because i accidentally bought the city of Paris
cinematic gold in 1993 and still cinematic gold in 2014
this is not ok
telling time just got 300% more confusing
aesthetically interesting, cognitively nightmarish
Teacher: What’s the time?Me: *Mental breakdown*